Protect and Serve? Not likely.

Gather round children, and i shall tell you a story about a girl, the goverment, and a wild goose chase. It's full of drama and there are colorful characters at every turn. Its entitled, "All Cops Are Wankers and The Government Blows."So, i was driving home from a long day of work on Tuesday evening. So tired was I, that i decided to forgo anything resembling a healthy dinner in exchange for a quick bite and a long soak in my gigunda bathub. Little did I know that the blue lights which suddenly began flashing in my rearview, meant the end to those little plans as well as life as i currently knew it.A respectful citizen, i waited patiently for Mr. PoPo to come to my window. I knew this would be slightly complicated as i just purchased my car recently and still had temporary tags and insurance cards. I provided all the required info and after checking that in fact the car was registered to me and tags were on their way, and after speaking with my insurance agent over the phone and verifying my coverage, the policeman was about to let me go. He went to quickly run my driver's liscense so i could be on my way. Moments later, he saunters back to the window and grinningly informs me my liscense was suspended. Ha ha. Very funny....then i notice he is not joking. I asked for what reason and he said he would be unable to supply one as i was carrying a TN liscence and he was a GA police officer. He told me i had to exit my vehicle, and collect all my belongings from it. He was confiscating my liscense and impouding my car. You are kidding me, right.??? He most certainly was not. If i chose to get beligerent about it, he would exorcise his right to take me "downtown". Spending ANY amount of time in a jail cell was not an option for this girl, so i did as directed. I dont look good in organge, people. Not to mention those ugly slipper shoes.The tow truck promptly arrived and they departed, leaving me sitting on the curb with my belongings and a big fat ticket.I tearfully called my good friend Stacy who has now rescued me from the Atlanta roadside not once but TWICE.She is one of those people that excells in a crisis situation....taking the reigns when you are too dazed to think independently. She activated the Emergency Phone Tree and in short order i was picked up and carried home where there was a team already assembled and working on the rescue of kidnapped vehicle and liscense. After much searching, we were able to ascertain that there was some form of citation against me....but it was impossible to determine for what or how much. In order to retreive my car from the impound lot, I had to provide the men in blue with a VALID drivers liscence. Since i am still a TN resident, that meant, a road trip.Bags were packed and custody of myself was transferred to Dollah (aka Nikki) who arrived to take over as my parole officer. At just after 10pm we set off to Cleveland.Bright and early the next morning, we went to our hometown courthouse. No one there seemed to be able to tell me WHY i had a citation, WHAT it was for, or WHOM had given it to me.....but they were certain it was in September of 2003.....we spent the next several hours going from Courthouse to Municipal building, to Justice Center and back. Eventually, i was told they had determined the citation was for $95 and had something to do with registration. I had no choice but to pay the fine even though i had NO IDEA what it was for and from whom it came. Next stop, the DMV....on any given day going to that place is a real pisser, but under heightened stress and a deadline, it was a BITCH. Waiting in long lines and filling out forms, all to be told that i would need to provide my ACTUAL birth certificate due to new HOMELAND SECURITY policy....this meant a trip to the local Health Department (my mom has the only copy and she lives hours away so I had to apply for an offical copy)...more lines, more forms, this time waiting in a germ infested room full of sickly children and Meth mothers. Back to the DMV...more lines, more waiting....this time only to find that my Social Security info is incorrect in their system. After some begging and pleading, they overode the system and got me a liscense. Needless to say my picture is less than attractive.(I was begining to resemble one of the aformentioned Meth mothers) Good thing it doesnt expire till 2011. 5 years of this picture. Awesome.A mad rush was made back to Atlanta where at the police department i met the worlds most impolite human....i swear i think he had all forms of personality surgically removed. A true GEM this guy.....Another long drive, more forms, more money and I encountered the worlds second most rude man in the form of the impound personel....he forced me to walk a half mile to my car ALONE thru a pitch black parking lot fill with junked out cars.A complete 24 hours later i was sitting back in my car headed home to my big bathtub.The moral of the story is: For a $95 charge about which they can give you NO information, our beloved government has the right to seize your vehicle, you identification, AND your sanity. God Bless the US of A.

Special thanks to Nikki for driving me ALL over tarnation in pursuit of the dream that is an official liscense to operate a personal vehicle. And to all those who offered comfort and sent loving thoughts my way....and to those of you dealing with your own personal dramas who STILL took the time to let me know you cared, I REALLY am grateful.