Oh wont you be my......

I am becoming more convinced that no matter where I may roam in this life there is one inescapable sovereign truth about whatever patch of Earth I decide to call home..there will always be a Crazy Neighbor Lady just around the corner. CNLs seem to be drawn to me like Anna Nicole Smith is drawn to Vicodin and liver numbing amounts of alcohol.
My former CNL was more of the PEEPER persuasion. Often all that could be seen were her helmet hair and granny glasses as she peered across the fence line. Upon occasion she would vocally remind me she had her eye on me and was pretty sure I was up to no good. I provided her with interesting observational hours and she furnished me with a plethora of humorous dinner party anecdotes. Surprisingly, I find myself occasionally wondering if she still stands guard in her polyester high waters and fur trimmed house shoes. (Did I mention she is a snazzy dresser?)
But its my current CNL that beats all. She must have a stronger radar than most, as she pinned me down less than 12 hours after the initial unloading of the Uhaul. And lucky me, this one is a TALKER. No subject matter seems to be off limits and advice is given with complete disregard to all social etiquette. Her insights are about as useful as they are inexhaustible. Seriously, if you could harness the kinetic output generated from one conversation with this woman, we could solve the world energy crisis.
Her current crusade? Ridding the world of the incredibly dangerous, life threatening critters known as yellow jackets. I have received her numerous notes and voicemails full of warning concerning the possible infestation of said creatures around the area of our adjoining back porches. But, I had no idea how serious her campaign until I arrived home today to find her decked out in a shower cap, oven mitts and yes, (I kid you not) gas mask. War was waged and in the end one can of aerosol was traded for the souls of 4 medium sized carcasses. Not a buzz can be heard for miles, but she wont be satisfied until there is greater carnage. She went off in search of bug bombs and industrial strength insecticides. Its like Chernobyl out there, people. I will be lucky if the porch isnt reduced to a pile of sawdust and any foliage survives within a 3 miles radius. (Note to self: Save HAZMAT number to speed dial) Seriously, cuckoo conversation and carcinogens..its divine. THIS CNL may just be the death of me..